Monday, November 29, 2010
Road to recovery day 1
Because the scumbag does not need to be named, we will call him simply; scumbag. In these recent months, since october the first of 2009 there has been a terrible occurrence between certain members of my life. Meaning of course, me and scumbag. We started out just friends then I thought he liked me and it became a constant dilemma to behave well in front of the other and to be attractive in that was as well. Before long it was apparent that there was something between us and we began spending time together outside of school. During one such event it was made known to me that scumbag had a girlfriend; scumbag 2. Needless to say I freaked out and vowed never to see him again, that lasted about a week considering we were still going to school together and you can only fake sick so many times before your mother wants to take you to emergency room. So we led a strange half-life together all throughout the winter months, laughing together and crying apart. Around the time spring break came upon us it was time to discuss our relationship and where it was heading. On one of the many long nights we spent together while I had taken a housesitting job we decided to simply stop deciding and enjoy our time together. In doing this I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life to date, I allowed it to continue. We spent more time together for those few short months than we did apart, it was lovely. He was always there when I needed him and I was his distraction. It seems ideal, but I knew in my heart what we were doing was wrong. So I decided to end it after much deliberation. He was caught off guard and I didn't even make it half a day without wanting to contact him. I made it till just under a week before I called him crying and we got 'back together' things were never the same between us after that. We pretended like they were for awhile, then it got to the point where I had to talk myself into wanting to be with him. And he was supposed to come sleep over and I made up some lame excuses. Not the bam chicka wow wow kind of sleep over, the kind where we stay awake all night talking and laying in each others arms. But alas, it was not meant to be. We still went on adventures and spent countless hours together, but something had changed inside of me. I no longer felt as though scumbag treated me like I needed to be treated, and I never felt beautiful or wanted in all those long days and nights we were together, so I ended it almost immediately after he went away to college, only the sucky part being that he's going to college less than an hour away. I ended it and now whenever I see him or hear about him it's like this poison is spreading back into my life. I would like to call this road to recovery because I plan on finding someone who doesn't make me feel completely worthless and who will keep poison out of my life entirely. I hope to reach the day where I no longer feel haunted by those days we spent together yet alone.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment