Idaho

This week has been a whirlwind. I met up with my parents in Orem on Monday afternoon and they put my brothers in my car and we drove up to Logan where we dropped my car off at Aunt Jeannes then drove straight through to Emmett. We got there about 1:30 am and promptly went to sleep. Tuesday was my dad's Uncle Jacks funeral which was unlike anything I've ever been to because it wasn't an LDS funeral then spent lots of time hanging around in the hotel room just laughing with each other. It was fun to see all my aunts and Uncles. Cindy, Dan, Coleen and Bob were all there. It was fun. My Holbrook grandparents were there as well. My dad drove me all around Emmett showing me everything that he used to do when he was a kid. It was great! It was the little slightly rundown place that I would love to live. Wednesday we drove to Boise and drove around a bit then headed out to Twin Falls where we saw the Shoshone falls and it was kidna great because I was the only one who'd been there before. Then at long long long last we made it to Rexburg and went out to dinner with Linnea at Costa Vida. It was a good week so far. Today me, Linnea and Micah took our own sweet time getting up this morning and now I'm at Chris' apartment hanging out while they get ready for cleaning checks. :)

surely I am this lucky

 

I have dubbed us "The pentagon of possibilities" 

That group consists of myself, Sabrina Holbrook, Micah (Dahl) Styers, Kristi Ingram, Linnea Holbrook and Brittany Fishback.  And as such we have been the best of friends these past months getting to know one another and changing each others lives. We spend most of our time together in Idaho, but have spent a little  in Utah as well (See October and September posts)  I love them all so very much and am excited to go through life with them at my sides. They all have wonderful humor and are truly beautiful people. 

Let's get this party started.

This is the part where I pretend...

I have two of the most wonderful friends in the world who take me to burn things illegally up on the mountain after a guy has been a complete and utter jerk.
There is something thrilling about knowing you could get caught at doing something mostly innocent. We were only burning a bit of paper and a couple pictures, and with the snow raging around us it wasn't as though we were causing a fire hazard. It was supposed to help lift this burden out of my head, it was fun in a strange kind of way. Also it was snowing so much that simply driving up the mountain was an adventure.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this post, but I'll get to taking pictures soon and let you know how that goes.
I'll get better at this, I'm sure.

Last post for the 365

 

December 31, 2011

Happy New Year! This was a fantastic day. 

I got to see Miss JoLee Fife! She was the person I was most excited to see and I almost didn't get to :) I packed up everything, went shopping with my mom for camera bag stuff. Just enjoyed being here in the absolute  freezing and snow then looked forward to heading back to Provo. 

My parents had to chaperone the new years dance so they took one car and I was supposed to come pick my dad up when I was ready to leave so he could take me to the airport. So I finished packing everything, said goodbye to the brothers then headed to the church. Where I just walked in, jeans and all. and snuck up on Jolee :) She screamed and we hugged a few times. It was so great to see her so excited to see me. She's my favorite Fife! haha  And I got to see Marty and Brother Walker and Bishop Pace. It was so great to be there. I never much cared for dances except when it meant making up goofy dances with Jolee and Benjamin and having a genuinely good time. I got to see Nan and Bart as we were walking out the door as well. It has been so great to be here and be reminded that everybody loves me and there are always hugs waiting for me at home if I need them. I just wish it was so incredibly far away. There are some of the best people here and the funny thing is almost none of them had anything to do with high school. I think that makes me the most happy because I was not the best high schooler. Apparently not being dramatic is a problem. haha 

Anyway my dad and I headed to Anchorage and didn't talk a whole lot on the way there, but it was nice just to be with him in the snow and darkness. 

Then I was dropped at the curb and left to catch my plane. When the clock finally struck midnight everyone was all smiles and it was sort of a silent celebration to ring in the new year. 

Goodbye 2011 and Alaska, it's been fun. 

I'm so grateful for this project and what an impact it has had on me. I am legitimately addicted to my camera now. Looking over the past year I'm so glad I have it all documented. I know I won't do this again for awhile, but it was fun while it lasted. Let's see what kind of advancement I can make in my photography career this year. 

Goodbye 2011, I'm not going to miss you.

There's no place like home.

  

December 30, 2011

Now I know why I missed the amount of coffee shops so much, because that's where everybody meets. It's a convenient place to stop and chat and you always run into someone you know. Tonight I met Micah Styers (soon to be Dahl) and she told me all about her newly engaged self. It was quite wonderful! She's one of my favorites and I thought it was so funny how me living in Utah and her living in Idaho could meet for hot chocolate in Alaska. It's funny how those things work out sometimes.

I had the chance to go to the temple with my parents ward tonight. I rode into Anchorage with the Summers and it felt just like old times, me and Cache talking about everything under the sun, Nan and Bart having their own conversation up front that would overlap with ours every once in awhile while Fischer and Levi talked or slept in the back. It was wonderful. Cache took out his endowments last week so he was baptizing this time and it was so sweet. My family was there and the Summers were there and it felt like the temple should feel like. I love that temple and I've missed it so dearly. I know I should go more, considering this is still the only temple I've attended. I'm going to work on that in the new year. It was a wonderful experience. 

When we got back to the church in Wasilla I took my dads car and headed to the Steiners where I stayed just catching up with Taylor and Tiffany and Dan, it was wonderful. They are such good people and I feel like I helped Taylor a little bit with her decision for schools. Just being around BYU I love the atmosphere and it has been so good for me. 

I realized it was 11:30 and headed home after a few more hugs. 

It's so good to be here, I'm sad to leave tomorrow. But then again I knew I would be.

Pot pie, zombies and giggles.

 

December 29, 2011

Jen came over this evening and brought Chicken pot pie :) Then we all sat around and talked and had a great time just being. My parents went on a date so it was just me, Jen and the boys. They were playing some zombie game, but we were in really giggly moods so it was very entertaining. I loved every minute of it. 

Also my dog, Nikki is every bit as cute as when I left 6 months ago. She hasn't changed much. It was great.

this is just one of those crazy girl rants that only happen at 3 am

I'm having a hard time letting go of the light to relish in the darkness. There can be something so calming about sitting in the dark and having it encompass you. I never really was one for dark places because I just prefer light and am a big scaredy cat which is basically all it comes down to.
I'm having a slew of thoughts bombard me all at once which is making the sleep thing incredibly difficult. I don't like that I never sleep at night, I don't enjoy wasting my mornings trying to catch up on sleep from the night before. I don't like waiting for phone calls from people that will never come. I don't like feeling unhappy in my skin. I don't like being so far away from a decent hug. I don't enjoy searching for a good job. I don't like feeling penniless. I don't enjoy searching for this great person I'm supposed to be and coming up short (no pun intended) I don't like the fact that when I sit in a crowd of people I'm supposed to be socializing with, I can't think of a single thing I'd like to say to any of them. I don't like that I can't seem to stop feeling sorry for myself long enough to be concerned with anyone else. I don't like that I have all these doubts about myself and the person I know I can be. I don't like that quiet voice in the back of my brain that says he's never going to look at me the way I want him to. I don't like the fact that the best friends I've had in my life up till this point have been liars and broken my heart so badly that 7 months later I still cry myself to sleep just thinking about her.
On a happier note; I like the fact that I have this blog. I like that I can call my mom and she is my best friend. I like the fact that I moved away from home, bravery is what some people call it, but I dunno, I just knew it was time. I like my roommates. I like my apartment. I like the laughter I hear ringing through these halls at every moment. I like the crunchy leaves on campus. I like the crooked sidewalks. I like Provo canyon. I like to cry. I like to hear the voice of someone I love. I like hugs. I like the fact that everyone gasps or aww's appropriately when they find out I'm from Alaska. I like that I belong to the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I like the quilt my mother made for me. I like my purple boots. I like building puzzles. I like how one well timed photograph changes my whole day. I like seeing extended family. I like being excited to get married and have children of my own someday. I like road trips. I like collectors spoons. I like the fact that someone may actually read this and understand I'm just a little bit lost and trying to find my way. My story is nothing special. I'm not important or spectacular, but I do want to do amazing things in this life and I like that I might be on the right track to get there.
Thank you, goodnight, world.

Goofy grins make this memorable

 

December 28, 2011

hahaha I love this girl. We used to have such fun times. and we have about a zillion pictures that look very much like this one, just check out my facebook. Also we're twins. 

I met her at the coffee shop and we chatted for awhile and ran into multiple people the way you only do in Wasilla. I miss that the most. Being in a store and running into someone I know. 

We caught up until the shop closed then headed our separate ways. It was wonderful :  ) I'm only sad her crazy viking boyfriend (also known as Calvin) couldn't be there too. He's my favorite. 

Then I headed home and helped the Laurels plan the next year. It was fun hanging out with my mom, Mandi and Sydney. They are very wonderful people. 

I love being home.

another year has passed and gone away

 

December 27, 2011

It's this kids birthday today. 

Today was quite fun! I went into Anchorage with Jen to her Mary Kay Christmas party and met lots of interesting people and ate delicious food. I love that girl and spending time with her was an adventure. When we got back to the valley Pat picked me up and we went to the Wasilla high parking lot and had a giant snowball fight which was about to be joined by some crazies till they realized they had no gloves.. just sayin' but it was about 25 degrees outside, the snow was falling and there was already about two feet of it hanging about and they didn't have gloves? seriously? haha 

Anyway it was a great day, and someday I will escape an encounter with Pat that doesn't end with my hair getting messed up. 

Happy Birthday, friend.

Winter wonderland

 

December 26, 2011

Some days you just get everything you wish for. 

I spent a few special minutes with my very favorite friends, Julia Cannon (the before mentioned amazing musician) and CW Twohy (the attractive goof in the photo) and let me tell you, I have missed them so dearly. We used to hang out in coffee shops and make lots of silly jokes. And today for just a moment it felt like we were kids again and the love of this friendship was thick in the air. 

I went to another one of my favorite places today, where trains wait for their next step and frost covers everything. I love this place and all the character that exists here. 

I went home after all this and got ready for my date with my guy friend Coulson :) We went and saw "we bought a zoo" then decided we were going to his work Christmas party at 10 which was still a few hours away so we hung out around the movie theater (where he works) and laughed at each other and saw a whole bunch of people I didn't expect to see this time around. I got to see Sariah Tuisaula and we laughed for about an hour. I love that girl so much! Then Coulson went to take me home and we got stuck in a ditch. Luckily it was just down the hill from my house so help was readily available. But it was also about 1:30 am by the time I got home for real haha 

Eventful day :)

Feliz Navidad

 

December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas! 

This day was so beautiful! My brothers woke us up at multiple times of the morning then finally for real at 7 am when I went to put on the carpenters Christmas CD and everybody gathered in the family room and we laughed and unwrapped presents and took funny pictures. 

Then we went to church and I got to see a whole bunch of people that I hadn't seen yet. It was wonderful and I got more hugs than I can count. I love that there are still so many people I love there. It was strange to have my dad sitting with us during church. But good as well. 

We went home and spent time together then headed to Anchorage to exchange presents with Aunt Kathie and Ben. I love family and they had us laughing the whole time we were there. Also we had delicious rolls! Then headed back to the valley and went back to sleep. Wonderful holiday, and so so worth it to come back :)

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night

December  24, 2011

Merry Christmas Eve! I got to see my favorite Jennifer and go out to lunch at Red Robin and eat way too much and just have a holly jolly Christmas Eve. Oh my goodness I missed that lady! We went to deliver Christmas goodies to everybody this evening and it was so fun to just drive through neighborhoods that I knew. Roads that I knew where they ended. Houses I knew were homes. It's good to be back. 

Also, I missed my dog like nobodies business. She is a crazy little thing.

I got to help be Santa this year and I feel like you finally arrive at adulthood when you are the designated wrapper for last minute gifts.

I love this time of year and the fact that we saved the Summers for last so we could stay and talk with them. I love that family, all of them. Bart said they missed me around there, and coming from Bart, that meant a lot. 

SNOWMACHINE is not actually a machine that makes snow.

 

December 23, 2011

I've been home all of ten hours and we were off on the snowmachine to visit the Jensen's and the Wargo's :) and tear it up for awhile! Oh man it's good to be back here where we drove back to the house in a full on Blizzard from the airport. It made me laugh as we landed because it was seriously on at least 6 inches of snow and I thought about how if that were the case pretty much anywhere else, there would be no landing. I love Alaska. With all it's fantastic people and beautiful snow! 

Miss Julia Cannon stopped by the house this morning to see me as well. Oh how I've missed the people I grew up with. 

Me and my dad went to get pedicures which is a fun thing we've done together before haha then I asked him to take me to Fred Meyer because as silly as it is, I missed that place. I miss the feeling that you get when you run into someone you know at the grocery store. I miss chatting with friends over tomatoes and broccoli. I miss going grocery shopping with my mom and brothers in tow. 

It's good to be back.

On the plane.

 

December 22, 2011

So as I packed and repacked everything I own I just couldn't contain my excitement for the trip back to the place that used to be my home. 

I took Rachael Eggett her Christmas present today and we chatted for a couple hours which I think always ends up happening when we get together. She is so cute and married. She told me all about her trip to San Francisco that her, her husband and a few of his friends went on which she got back from yesterday.And I told her all about my impending condemnation, which hopefully it turns out will be the exact opposite. We'll see. I love that girl so much. We've always managed to be friends even when our lives took us months and miles apart. You know you've got a good friend when you can go back to see each other after weeks or months and nothing in your friendship has changed. I wish I had more friendships like that. Maybe not many, just a couple real good ones to help me through the rest of this life. 

I ramble, what of it?

They are dead, but still beautiful.

 

December 21, 2011

I love to go visit my cousin and see her, Tyler and Simonboy. It is so wonderful to have people so close that actually care about how things are going with me. They ask me questions that get to the point of nearly annoying, but they love me and want to know that I'm going to be alright. They are good to me and I know I'm lucky to have them so close. 

I spent a bit of time with them then headed to my Grandparents in West Jordan to stay the night so I didn't have to stay in my apartment alone. 

Me and Michele went to dinner at our favorite chinese place and had a grand time laughing our heads off. 

I go to Alaska tomorrow!!

Just me and Haley

 

December 20, 2011

What is a good gift to get for guys that you aren't into? 

Answer: Food. 

haha Thank you, Pinterest! 

Spent the day making more presents and getting ready to go to Alaska for Christmas! 

Soon Soon Soon!

52 inside jokes and how much I love you.

 

December 19, 2011

Because I am the best friend to somebody who has always been there for me through all the funny and happy and sad and distressing times, I made him this for Christmas. 

Also, pinterest is the reason I made good presents for Christmas this year. hehehe 

I filled the deck of cards with inside jokes and funny things we've said to each other over the years and we'll see how well it is received.

Dreaming is what I do, lately.

"A single dream is more powerful than a thousand realities"
-J.R.R. Tolkien

This feeling scares and excites me.

I'll finish posting the rest of my 365 as soon as I get around to it, but for now I just have this one thought. 

I'm still in love with who I wish you were.

I just wish I could think about something other than you for one single second, but at the same time I'm glad I can't keep you out of my thoughts because even just the mere thought of you makes me so blissfully happy that I can't even describe it. You are the reason I smile while walking down the street, I hope someday I share this all with you. I hope that we get the chance to be that for each other.
I am in love with the you I used to know. I'll be seeing you soon, I hope.